Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
