Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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