You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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