Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
