can u get pink eye on your cock?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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