I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
