Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
