This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
