I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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