you traded sex for a burrito?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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