Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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