Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
