So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
