small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
