If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
