Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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