Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
