she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
