So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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