Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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