I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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