Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
