just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
