I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
