My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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