she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
