you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
