Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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