He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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