He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
