you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize