what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
