Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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