bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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