Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
