Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
