we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize