I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
