Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
