Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
