You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
