I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
