the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
