She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
