It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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