no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The maid of honor just puked.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just threw up on my dentist
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
