I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
