Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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