he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
