you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
