I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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