There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize