I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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