i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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