that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize