the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
