So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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