next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
