I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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