Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
