marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize