can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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