life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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