in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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