You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
