One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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