so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
