found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
