Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize