I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
