When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
