If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Randomize
